I have always found myself fascinated with King David.
A man after God’s own heart, a chosen and called king, the redeemer of Israel after their first ruler failed them.
And yet he was a murderer. An adulterer. A polygamist. A poor father that showed favoritism to some children and blatantly ignored and disregarded his others.
He would armor up to go to battle for his people and then, just as quickly, would send men to their deaths while he lounged around the palace and stared lustily at his soldiers’ wives. He would put himself in the forefront of battle for the things he believed in, yet retreat to the wilderness out of fear for his life just as quickly. David was often victorious on the mountain tops of his life, but also found himself in the valley of death and depression.
David was a broken man.
And yet deeply beloved and highly favored by his God.
I am fascinated by David because David reminds me of myself. There have been times I have been showered by God’s blessings and favor. And there have been times I have chosen to walk away from it and retreat, feeling like God has never really helped me at all. There have been times I have fought the good fight, and times I have chosen to live in my sin.
And there are times in my wandering that God has reminded me that he was still there, even if I didn’t want him to be, watching over me and taking care of me.
I feel like this may have been a similar season that David was walking through when he wrote Psalm 139.
It almost feels like he had been playing this game of hide and seek with God when he finally realized that he would never win. And it helps me to remember I will never win. I will always be found.
We can’t hide from God. He never has to seek us. Because he never left us.
(The words of David are in quotations. My own thoughts follow.)
“O Lord, you have examined my heart
and know everything about me.”
~You, God and creator of the universe, know me better than I know myself. You know my intentions when the whole world misunderstands.
“You see me when I travel
and when I rest at home.
You know everything I do.”
~ When I retreat from the world and put my toes in the sand or crash on the couch to watch TV, your presence is near.
“You know what I am going to say
even before I say it, Lord.”
~Even when my words come out all wrong, you are with me in those moments and I said exactly what you knew I would.
“I can never escape from your Spirit!
I can never get away from your presence!”
~When I want to hide away and not be seen, you are with me. Never to shame me. Always to comfort me.
“I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.”
~ Sometimes I shroud myself with sin. Sometimes I choose darkness and pain over light and love. Depression greets me like an old friend and I dwell there. And yet, you are the light. Darkness cannot exist where you are. Your warmth infiltrates my icy heart.
“How precious are your thoughts about me, O God.
They cannot be numbered!
I can’t even count them;
they outnumber the grains of sand!
And when I wake up,
you are still with me!”
~Even though you know these ugly things about me, your love is still constantly with me. Your thoughts and blessings toward me would be overwhelming if I could know them.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.”
~Never give up on me Lord! Put my heart on trial. Test it. Examine it. Know me more!
“Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.”
~Allow me to see where I am offensive to you so that I may become pure in your eyes. Help me to walk the path you desire for me so that I may become a woman after your own heart.
I am David. David is me.
We cannot hide because we are never lost.
We are all Broken + Beloved.
*Excerpts from Psalm 139, NLT.
Beautifully Written by: Maria Annette
B+B Editor/Contributor {Soul Sister in Christ}