My Mom kicked me out when I was 18 with 2 trash bags and nowhere to go. This was over me sneaking a boyfriend over and her cheating on my father. I didn’t know God and he was never in our house growing up. She tells people that I left home. Anna knows the truth because she used to threaten to kick her out as she did me. She also asked for grandparents' rights until Anna was 5 years old but a year later she wanted to adopt her. I was naïve about primary physical custody. She told me she saved all her receipts and it would be a shame if I were locked up for Anna’s life over not being able to pay her child support. Any faith I had back then was gone.
I lived so much of my 20s homeless and without support. That is why she ended up adopting Anna. The sad thing is, I was doing pretty good when I had Anna. I had picked myself up and losing her caused a great depression. I did so many things I wasn’t proud of. Then, I met a guy who gave me my boys and I knew I needed to change. I became a Christian who needed growth. Then, he cheated and left us. Matthew started having behavioral problems, vandalizing properties by age 5. This led to us being evicted and homeless again. The boys moved with their father for 2.5 years. In that time, I made another big decision while depressed. Their father and I divorced and he remarried quickly.
The court wouldn’t allow me to have visitations there as I wasn’t married while living there with his family. I married this co-worker. He was supposedly Christian and I still pray for him even though there was a lot of abuse.
I got the boys back because their father wanted to leave his new wife and couldn’t be homeless with them. As soon as I had legal custody, I left the co-worker because he wasn’t good enough for my kids.
I promised God I would do anything for them on my birthday back in 2017 after spending all morning repenting. An hour later, I received a phone call from the kids’ paternal grandmother telling me to pick them up. I’ve had them ever since that day. I walked away from the abusive relationship and prayed for help because we have been homeless since then…again. God gave me Jeremy. And we are happily married-bonus kids and all. We are now working on adopting each other’s kids. My faith has gotten me through all of this. I’ve had many miracles.
My boys came back, Anna doesn’t hate me, and now I have a family that loves me…finally. I am truly blessed. I’m not saying my Mom doesn’t love me in her own way. But I was adopted and needed to know it was unconditional. The moment she proved it wasn’t, changed me forever. I pray for her often but things will never be as I’d like them to be. She and I are doing much better since when I was 18, and I have finally met my birth parents, which is another miracle.
The Backstory
When the boys were babies (Tom was an infant and Matthew is 11 months older) a friend of mine took me to her church. I was so scared to go. I honestly thought I’d catch on fire or something. I was going through a lot with their father. I remember this day as the day I became a “bad Christian.” One of the pastors was singing Hillsong—the one who saves right after he was talking about the hardships we have. I fell to the floor crying, feeling my heart get heavier, and then experienced this sudden release. At that moment, I knew there was a God.
When my kids lived with their father, my abusive ex had me wondering if I was truly saved that day. I spent months reading the Bible. My ex kept calling me an ungodly wife. I would tell him how true that was for such an ungodly husband. I did, after all, marry a drunkard. Anyway, after I spent months bettering myself because this voice told me demonic forces were around and I needed to strengthen my knowledge of the Word to help me, I felt the Holy Spirit working through me until the day I became very depressed on my birthday, which I told you about, in 2017. I was angry because it was another birthday without my babies. (Mind you I had already lost Anna so being without the boys brought all that back). I noticed the amount of anger and repented my heart.
I told God I was worthless and had taken my kids for granted. I vowed I’d never do that again. I told God I was done holding on to their possessions because it was complete torture and I started packing up their stuff to take to their dad’s. After all, they hadn’t had many sleepovers so why would I need that stuff? I gave it to God. This was the first time I had ever done that. An hour after all of the repenting and giving it all to Him after I calmed down, I got the call. I was in shock.
This was an actual miracle. I saw this right away. Since this day, I changed. I have lived for God. I give it all to him and let him lead the way. I pray constantly and read my Bible a lot more. I still don’t read how I should but definitely much more than before. I attend a church I feel fits me. I always ask God to guide me now. I may have believed when the kids were little but practicing faith came after I got them back. Things will never be perfect in this world but now I see the blessings He has given me.